1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV - “Do not be deceived, bad company ruins good morals.”
Hopefully, I’m not the only Christian who’s dealt with this, but I find myself often wanting to revisit my past life. I see so many people doing some of the things I engaged in, some do it on a whole ‘nother level, and I notice that a strong part of me misses it. I wrestle with that thang too. Sex, drinking, and smoking had a strong hold over me that I just couldn’t shake. I let those things go when I realized I didn’t do them for fun. They were my getaways from dealing with the mess that was my life. These things would make me numb to emotion because I'm an extremely sensitive being and every inch of me is connected in some kind of way, where if my feelings are hurt by something, my entire body reacts to that one emotion. So to get away from that kind of pain, I would turn to what would take my mind off of it. Once I got to the place where I knew I didn’t need my vices anymore, I felt a little free but little did I know that I began to create something worse.
Although, I stopped holding on to those things, I found myself lusting after people who who still partake in the festivities that I now call my past. Whether they would just be friends, lovers, or play brothers, I would give myself reasons to be around them just so I could be close to the sin. I didn't notice I was doing this until one guy came along who was extremely sweet to me, but he was one of those people who was on another level with sex, drinking, and smoking. All of a sudden, because of this one guy, I was willing to forget the side effects of the sin and do anything to get closer to him. For me, he was worth the risk. The funny thing is, I didn't completely understand or grasp the true definition of “risk” which is “Someone or something that creates or suggests a hazard; possibility of loss or injury.” See… that last part… possibility of loss??? I don't think anything is worth the risk if I would possibly have to lose something. In this case, I began to lose myself. I got so wrapped up in an image that I was willing to risk EVERYTHING that I worked so hard for. Pastor reminded me of this Sunday when he said that God has changed our name to Israel, but we still want to walk like Jacob. That's been my life for so long that I didn't even notice I was doing it, until Sunday. It's so easy to stay in what's familiar, even if it's obviously tearing us apart from the inside out.
I've come to terms with the fact that no sin or person is worth risking how close I've gotten to God, so I decided to change the question. Is God worth the risk? Is He worth losing all the things that led me to suicidal thoughts?! Is He worth losing all the friends that make me miss the things that kept me from Him? I say ABSOLUTELY! Happiness was temporary when I didn't choose God. As soon as I came off the cloud, I noticed my feet were planted in the same position. As soon as I sobered up, I noticed that my life was in the same condition. And as soon as that man walked out of my life, I saw that I was lonely, even when I had him. If the risk is losing everything that made me stagnate, am I really losing? God has the power to move me towards greatness and give me that kind of joy that can’t change because of a situation. He will forever and always be worth the risk for me! What about for you?
Father right now I come to you on behalf of your people who see following you as more of a risk than staying in the dark. I also pray for your people who have chosen to risk their past to follow you, and those who are still strongly tempted by their old sins while on the journey to righteousness. We all need clarity on where we currently are and where we need to be so I ask that you do a mighty work in your people. Clean us up from the inside out and guide us to the road that you see fit for us to travel. Show us that any risk we take for you is a step closer to our salvation. Thank you for the love and grace you continue to show us even when we turn our backs on you! Forgive us for anything that we have said, thought, or done that is not pleasing in your sight. We love you and praise you. In Jesus name, Amen.
By: TaNia Moore