Matthew 4:16(AMP) - “The people who were sitting in spiritual darkness have seen a great light, and for those who were sitting in the land and shadow of spiritual and moral death, upon them a light has dawned.”

Depression is a word I’m all too familiar with. At age five I was molested by someone for almost a year. Because of that one incident, I was raped/molested in high school and several times in college. For years I didn’t think I was affected by it, but the closer I got to God, the more I would feel this darkness taking over me.. 

I began to think that my body was no longer mine so I could let whatever happen to it. I started smoking with random people, drinking myself to sleep every night, and giving my body to men who seemed like they cared. I didn’t think these things would be a problem because if I just gave everyone what they wanted they wouldn’t try to take it from me. It wasn’t until one night after a rough day, I realized how much the darkness consumed me. I didn’t want to feel anything anymore so I took the sharpest knife in the drawer and started to slide it across my wrist over and over again and nothing would happen. I asked for help and had so many people pray over me. Everyone thought that it went away, and so did I...until last night. I walked into an empty and dark house with no one around to hear my loud sobs and because no one was physically there I assumed God wasn’t either. My past start replaying itself in my head and I heard this voice saying “You aren’t strong enough for this much pain. The best thing for you to do is give your life to me now. You can leave all of the stress behind if you move closer into the darkness with me.” This voice knew me so well and even convinced me that taking my life would make things easier for all my loved ones. So, I gave in… I drank half of a bottle of cough syrup and right before I started to put the 5 800mg of ibuprofen into my mouth I heard “Go to your phone and text as many people as you can” I didn’t want to but I listened anyway. I begged for help and they told me everything I did and did not want to hear. After it was all said and done the love I received from all the messages wouldn’t let me slip back into the darkness that was attempting to consume me.

I have questioned God so many times wondering why He kept letting the same temptations of suicide approach me and I got the best answer while watching the movie “The Shack”. The man’s daughter was killed in this shack and at some point, God brought him back there. He asked God “Why did you bring me here?” God replied, “Because here is where you got stuck.” The enemy knows exactly where to get me and the bad part is, he doesn’t change his strategy or present it in a different way. He does the SAME THING. In Matthew 4, Jesus steps into His life of ministry and one of the first things he says to the people He ministered to was “repent.” My mother broke this down perfectly. He didn’t say let me help or come child… He said one word… Repent. For me Jesus was stating that we’re only consumed by the darkness because we chose to be consumed by it, we chose to let our flesh over power our spirit, we chose these things, they weren’t forced upon us. Mrs. Wilson stated that Satan only has the power to suggest the darkness but he can’t force us into it, a decision must be made. John 1:5 says “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” Which means the darkness does exist and might seem powerful, but light always can, and always will, over power it. Darkness is not the only option. Even the darkness of night can’t stand against the illuminating power of the moon and stars so why let something so weak defeat you when God gifted us all with His power?!

“Father, I come asking that you protect your sons and daughters from the darkness that makes us believe it can over power the light you’ve placed in us. I ask that you give your people the strength to rebuke the temptations that are placed in front of us daily. Remove the fear that keeps us from living out our full potential, and the voice that tries to tell us that we aren’t strong enough to overpower our fears. Show us that with YOU we have ALL power and that no darkness can consume the light that you have placed in us all. Remove the things that are not of you and restore the things that are. We love you and we praise you forever more. In your mighty son Jesus’ name, Amen.”

By: TaNia Moore

You are not in this alone. Reach out!